one of my main nicknames courtesy of my family is “emmy” and my uncle was like “what if you marry a guy named anthony whose nickname is tony then you’d be emmy and tony”
and then “what if his last name was award”
and then my cousin put in “if you have a son you could name him oscar”
emmy, tony, and oscar award
oh my god
Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?
Everyone “knows” this. Even children.
Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.” She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying…
No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?
It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, in doctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.
bisexual guys are assumed to be secretly gay
bisexual girls are assumed to be secretly straight
both are assumed to secretly like men
see what i’m getting at?
Don’t forget that gay men are gay because they lacked a “strong male figure”. And lesbians either haven’t found the right man or are gay because of a guy.
Seriously tho. Why *should* she be asked to smile?
Asking a woman to smile is to make her more approachable. It’s to make you feel more comfortable - not her. I, personally, have zero fucks to give about being approachable to strange men on the street. Women are not here to entertain and please random folks.
Asking me to smile is akin to asking me to jump. Um. For what?
There’s this weird responsibility placed on women to be happy and lady-like and pleasant all of the time. It rids us of being able to express our own range of human emotions.
No one is asking for men and women to not interact with each other. That’s silly. This project is asking for women to be interacted with as if they have agency over their own bodies.
Creator of the Stop Telling Women To Smile project responded to a person who thinks women not smiling on demand is proof of the end of the world and division among men and women. (Seriously? WTF.)
Funny…I told my best friend about that person’s comment and she said it is the end of the world and division…for that person. A world shaped by the status quo is a world being shaken by the resistance to this status quo. The amount of hatred and bile I’ve faced since I started speaking out about street harassment has been interesting in that some men genuinely process harming women as necessary to their masculinity and thereby their identity. They think critique and rejection of street harassment is an attack on their identity, which is frightening…
"Asking me to smile is akin to asking me to jump. Um. For what?"
I grew up with a copy of Reviving Ophelia, a collection of a psychiatrist’s teen-girls’ cases as they get brought in for failing adolescent-parent relationships, drug use, sexual abuse, etc. On the back cover, there was a quote from one of the girls: “Whenever I’m having a bad day, teachers always tell me to smile. I’ve never heard them say that to a guy.”
This took me years and years to understand, and I didn’t get it until college: females are taught that being upset or angry in public is not an option. No matter our age or occupation, we are always expected to be positive, enthusiastic, ready to help anybody who needs it, and react calmly to all the negative energy we get from unruly clients, customers, co-workers, etc. We are not allowed to frown, shout, or remain with a neutral expression for too long when in public. "Smile, get over it, make the customer feel welcome." Because heaven forbid that women be allowed to let their neutrality, seriousness, or “bad” moments show. Heaven forbid that they be allowed to experience a full range of human emotions regardless of whether they’re in public or not.
Let me tell you some things.
I used to investigate child abuse and neglect. I can tell you how to stop the vast majority of abortion in the world.
First, make knowledge and access to contraception widely available. Start teaching kids before they hit puberty. Teach them about domestic violence and coercion, and teach them not to coerce and rape. Create a strong, loving community where women and girls feel safe and supported in times of need. Because guess what? They aren’t. You know what happens to babies born under such circumstances? They get hurt, unnecessarily. They get sick, unnecessarily. They get removed from parents who love them but who are unprepared for the burden of a child. Resources? Honey, we try. There aren’t enough resources anywhere. There are waiting lists, and promises, and maybes. If the government itself can’t hook people up, what makes you think an impoverished single mom can handle it?
Abolish poverty. Do you have any idea how much childcare costs? Daycare can cost as much or more than monthly rent. They may be inadequately staffed. Getting a private nanny is a nice idea, but they don’t come cheap either. Relatives? Do they own a car? Does the bus run at the right times? Do they have jobs of their own they need to work just to keep the lights on? Are they going to stick around until you get off you convenience store shift at 4 AM? Do they have criminal histories that will make them unsuitable as caregivers when CPS pokes around? You gonna pay for that? Who’s going to pay for that?
End rape. I know your type errs on the side of blaming the woman, but I’ve seen little girls who’ve barely gotten their periods pregnant because somebody thought raping preteens was an awesome idea. You want to put a child through that? Or someone with a mental or physical inability for whom pregnancy would be frightening, painful or even life-threatening? I’ve seen nonverbal kids who had their feet sliced up by caregivers for no fucking reason at all, you think sexual abuse doesn’t happen either?
You say there’s lots of couples who want to adopt. Kiddo, what they want to adopt are healthy white babies, preferably untainted by the wombs and genetics of women with alcohol or drug dependencies. I’ve seen the kids they don’t want, who almost no one wants. You people focus only on the happy pink babies, the gigglers, the ones who grow and grow with no trouble. Those are not the kids who linger in foster care. Those are certainly not the older kids and teenagers who age out of foster care and then are thrown out in the streets, usually with an array of medical and mental health issues. Are they too old to count?
And yeah, I’ve seen the babies, little hand-sized things barely clinging to life. There’s no glory, no wonder there. There is no wonder in a pregnant woman with five dollars to her name, so deep in depression you wonder if she’ll be alive in a week. Therapy costs money. Medicine costs money. Food, clothes, electricity cost money. Government assistance is a pittance; poverty drives women and girls into situations where they are forced to rely on people who abuse them to survive. (I’ve been up in more hospitals than I can count.)
In each and every dark pit of desperation, I have never seen a pro-lifer. I ain’t never seen them babysitting, scrubbing floors, bringing over goods, handing mom $50 bucks a month or driving her to the pediatrician. I ain’t never seen them sitting up for hours with an autistic child who screams and rages so his mother can get some sleep while she rests up from working 14-hour days. I don’t see them fixing leaks in rundown houses or playing with a kid while the police prepare to interview her about her sexual abuse. They’re not paying for the funerals of babies and children who died after birth, when they truly do become independent organisms. And the crazy thing is they think they’ve already done their job, because the child was born!
Aphids give birth, girl. It’s no miracle. You want to speak for the weak? Get off your high horse and get your hands dirty helping the poor, the isolated, the ill and mentally ill women and mothers and their children who already breathe the dirty air. You are doing nothing, absolutely nothing, for children. You don’t have a flea’s comprehension of injustice. You are not doing shit for life until you get in there and fight that darkness. Until you understand that abortion is salvation in a world like ours. Does that sound too hard? Do you really think suffering post-birth is more permissible, less worthy of outrage?
“Pro-life” is simply a philosophy in which the only life worth saving is the one that can be saved by punishing a woman.
stfuconservatives didn’t write this, desliz did: http://desliz.tumblr.com/post/8944082875
It’s a great quote, it’s a great piece of writing, but I hate it when I see this going around unattributed to the woman who actually wrote it and attributed instead to stfuconservatives or whoever. Desliz.tumblr.com wrote it and she deserves credit, not having her words stolen and attributed to some dude.
Anonymous asked: actually, i do save lives. i went to school and was taught specifically how to save lives. sorry if you dont have that skill. doesn't mean other people don't or shouldn't.
Did you know that EMS, especially BLS, is 90% bullshit, and 10% the luck of the patient?
I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that unless you are an emergency physician or surgeon, you do not save lives. Tell me, seriously tell me, when was the last time you actually legitimately saved a life (and I’m talking to the degree of ROSC with bounding pulses)? Backboarding granny doesn’t count. Splinting a leg doesn’t count. Putting oxygen on a chest pain doesn’t count.
Fun fact, most of the things you learn in EMT school aren’t even scientifically proven to work! Backboarding? Being phased out almost entirely! Activated charcoal? You’ll hardly find that on a truck anymore. KED? I haven’t opened that in seven years, when I went through Basic. Oxygen? If you give it to someone who is satting at over 94%, you’re probably doing more harm than good.
A lot of the patients that you “keep alive” die anyway. It’s a statistical fact. It’s not a save unless they walk out of the hospital. Most are not lucky. It has literally nothing to do with you or anything you did. In fact at that point, everything you did was pointless. I can get ROSC, induce hypothermia, and deliver a patient with a decent pressure to the ER. If that patient doesn’t walk out of the hospital, I basically did nothing. I didn’t save a life.
I have this feeling that you’re one of those fresh out of EMT school Ricky Rescues who think they’re a superhero and tell everyone they know such. You make the rest of us look bad. Please stop.
The last person I “saved” with CPR was a 90-something with multi-system organ failure, dementia, and sepsis who had the unfortunate luck to not have a DNR. I got a pin for that ‘save.’ I don’t wear it.
Everything else is basically a glorified taxi ride 99% of the time.
I believe CPR saves are mostly luck, a little skill, and some of it having to do with giving your all.
But usually, all you got just isn’t enough.
I’m not even an EMR or EMT and I already understand that concept.
I disagree. Yes CPR is always about luck and the anon above definitely sounds like they just got out of class and feels the need to let everyone know he’s Mr. EMT, but saving a life isn’t just about ROSC. Saving a life is convincing grandpa to go the hospital for obvious pneumonia when he thinks he’s just having some SOB. Saving a life is Benadryl for the patient going into anaphylactic shock. Saving a life is filing the report to get a child (or the adult we actually got the other day) out of a neglectful or abusive situation we may stumble upon in a completely unrelated incident. Saving a life is giving a psych patient the real care and calm ride they need in an appropriate facility instead of hand cuffs in the back of a squad car. Saving a life is responding to your diabetic frequent flyer with a sugar of 20, bagging them when they quit breathing until they wake back up (after you just short of drown them in D50) and still end up with a signed refusal. Saving a life is as simple as helping grandma off the floor with a lift assist when she can’t get back up. Yes most of what we do is and always will be bullshit. And the medical field is always changing with new more ‘proven to work’ techniques being introduced and things that were ‘guaranteed to make a difference’ constantly being phased out. But I’ll say it again, saving a life isn’t about bringing some one back from the dead. Its about not letting them die in the first place and simply being there for people on their worst day.